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I am really worried about my mom. I am worried about so many things about her. She's sick, that's a big part of it. The anticardiolipin syndrome is causing her blood clotting factor to swing wildly in either direction, and I keep expecting to get a call telling me she dropped dead from an embolism.
I am worried about her mental health. As worried as I am about her health, she is the one living it. I am terrified that she may decide that life just isn't worth living like this. It's not like she would have to do anything drastic. Just stop taking her medicine for one day.
I am worried about her financially. John is unemployed. Again. He's been pretty much unemployed for the last year. He's had a few temp jobs in between, but nothing steady. He is currently getting unemployement, but not that much. And I suspect not for much longer. My mom can no longer work, and thus far her insurance company has declined her disability claim. She has applied for SSI, but that can take a year to process. Because John does not have a job with health benefits, they have to continue paying for the COBRA from my mom's last job. The premium has been $300 per month, and apparently she just got notice yesterday that it is going up to $400. They are going to have to apply for welfare and food stamps, but even that may not be enough. My sister has no money, she is completely strapped trying to care for her own two children. Obviously I am going to have to help my mom out financially. That's not going to be easy, especially when I am trying to prepare for the move, but my only option appears to be help them out or see my mother out on the street and starving. To be perfectly honest, a part of me is pissed at John. He is only five years older than me. He should be able to hold down a job and take care of his own damn wife. I understand the economy is bad and jobs are scarce. Hell, I was unemployed myself for over five months and it was only dumb luck that I stumbled into my current job. But it is hard work that has *kept* me in that job. Sara is currently working three jobs because that is what it takes to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table for her and Ben. It sucks, and hopefully by this time next month she will be working just the one job because it will pay enough on its own, but in the meantime she is doing what is necessary to care for the person dependant on her. John should be able to do the same damn thing. In any case it falls to me to help because I refuse to entertain the alternative and because I am one of the fortunate few with a good job.
So I am worried and stressed. I am worried that I won't be able to help enough; that it will push my finances to the limit and jeapardize the move to Orlando. I am just selfish enough for that to really piss me off, because at some point I fear I am literally going to have to choose between caring for my mother or caring for my son and failing either one of them is just not an option.
I dunno. I just don't know.
I am going to bed now.
I am worried about her mental health. As worried as I am about her health, she is the one living it. I am terrified that she may decide that life just isn't worth living like this. It's not like she would have to do anything drastic. Just stop taking her medicine for one day.
I am worried about her financially. John is unemployed. Again. He's been pretty much unemployed for the last year. He's had a few temp jobs in between, but nothing steady. He is currently getting unemployement, but not that much. And I suspect not for much longer. My mom can no longer work, and thus far her insurance company has declined her disability claim. She has applied for SSI, but that can take a year to process. Because John does not have a job with health benefits, they have to continue paying for the COBRA from my mom's last job. The premium has been $300 per month, and apparently she just got notice yesterday that it is going up to $400. They are going to have to apply for welfare and food stamps, but even that may not be enough. My sister has no money, she is completely strapped trying to care for her own two children. Obviously I am going to have to help my mom out financially. That's not going to be easy, especially when I am trying to prepare for the move, but my only option appears to be help them out or see my mother out on the street and starving. To be perfectly honest, a part of me is pissed at John. He is only five years older than me. He should be able to hold down a job and take care of his own damn wife. I understand the economy is bad and jobs are scarce. Hell, I was unemployed myself for over five months and it was only dumb luck that I stumbled into my current job. But it is hard work that has *kept* me in that job. Sara is currently working three jobs because that is what it takes to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table for her and Ben. It sucks, and hopefully by this time next month she will be working just the one job because it will pay enough on its own, but in the meantime she is doing what is necessary to care for the person dependant on her. John should be able to do the same damn thing. In any case it falls to me to help because I refuse to entertain the alternative and because I am one of the fortunate few with a good job.
So I am worried and stressed. I am worried that I won't be able to help enough; that it will push my finances to the limit and jeapardize the move to Orlando. I am just selfish enough for that to really piss me off, because at some point I fear I am literally going to have to choose between caring for my mother or caring for my son and failing either one of them is just not an option.
I dunno. I just don't know.
I am going to bed now.
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