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Collection Agency (CA): "You owe us a thousand dollars. Pay within five days or die."
Hospital: "We sent that to collections because we have only received one payment in the last ten months."
Ex-Wife: "No, I have sent the payment every month on time using the payment coupons provided by the collection agency, and I have the returned checks to prove it."
Me (to CA): "No, you have gotten regular monthly payments on that for nearly a year now and it is almost paid off."
CA: "No, you have been paying on another account, this is a completely new and different account."
Me (to hospital): "What is this account you just sent to collections, and why have I never heard of it? Isn't it just the same account from last year? It is from the same service date, same patient, same balance..."
Hospital: "Yes, we pulled it back from the collection agency to make a payment adjustment, and then sent it back. It is the same account."
CA: "No, this huge new balance is because the insurance company requested a refund from the hospital because the insurance company overpaid, so the hospital added an additional $900 to the balance. The fact that the new amount added to the balance is identical to the amount of payments made on the account is nothing but a coincidence. "
Insurance Company: "Yes, we did make an adjustment on that account but it did not change the total patient responsibility. The amount changed had to do with the hospital's contracted amount, and in any event the change was only twenty three dollars."
Hospital: "The insurance company is correct, there was no change made in the total amount due for the patient. This is a single account, all payments made to that account should be reflected in your balance due, and the collection agency should not be seeking any additional money. I have referred this to our liaison with the collection agency to ensure this is straightened out, and she will call you back in a couple of days.
So two hours, nine phone calls, a headache, and an ulcer later, we are essentially back to where we were yesterday. Which is that there are four remaining payments due, as agreed, and that this entire kabuki was completely unnecessary and caused by a clerical error.
I need a drink.
Hospital: "We sent that to collections because we have only received one payment in the last ten months."
Ex-Wife: "No, I have sent the payment every month on time using the payment coupons provided by the collection agency, and I have the returned checks to prove it."
Me (to CA): "No, you have gotten regular monthly payments on that for nearly a year now and it is almost paid off."
CA: "No, you have been paying on another account, this is a completely new and different account."
Me (to hospital): "What is this account you just sent to collections, and why have I never heard of it? Isn't it just the same account from last year? It is from the same service date, same patient, same balance..."
Hospital: "Yes, we pulled it back from the collection agency to make a payment adjustment, and then sent it back. It is the same account."
CA: "No, this huge new balance is because the insurance company requested a refund from the hospital because the insurance company overpaid, so the hospital added an additional $900 to the balance. The fact that the new amount added to the balance is identical to the amount of payments made on the account is nothing but a coincidence. "
Insurance Company: "Yes, we did make an adjustment on that account but it did not change the total patient responsibility. The amount changed had to do with the hospital's contracted amount, and in any event the change was only twenty three dollars."
Hospital: "The insurance company is correct, there was no change made in the total amount due for the patient. This is a single account, all payments made to that account should be reflected in your balance due, and the collection agency should not be seeking any additional money. I have referred this to our liaison with the collection agency to ensure this is straightened out, and she will call you back in a couple of days.
So two hours, nine phone calls, a headache, and an ulcer later, we are essentially back to where we were yesterday. Which is that there are four remaining payments due, as agreed, and that this entire kabuki was completely unnecessary and caused by a clerical error.
I need a drink.