It's four o'clock in the fucking morning.

[lokheed]

It's four o'clock in the god damned morning. I have not slept. I do not have insomnia, I have an autistic son that I am inches away from throwing out the fucking window. My house is a shambles. I have systematically gone through and removed every light bulb from every light fixture to keep him from turning on the lights. I have shut down the power strip in the living room to keep him from turning on the tv. I have been trying to get him to go to bed for the past seven hours. I have bodily carried him into the bedroom and placed him in his bed more times than I can remember. My jaw aches from my grinding teeth. My stomach is in an ulcerous knot. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to throw him across the room. I want to fucking go to sleep.

Comments

Instead, you write.

[treebyleaf.livejournal.com]

You are a better parent than I had.

[icebluenothing.livejournal.com]

Fuck. This sounds so awful.

Next time (I wish there wouldn't be a next time, but .... ), does your home not have a fusebox anywhere so you can just kill all the power at once, maybe .... ?

[lokheed.livejournal.com]

It's a nuclear arms race. Everytime I come up with a new tactic, he comes up with a countermeasure that escalates the process. He obsessed over pushing buttons on the VCR, so I gutted the electronics behind the buttons on my VCR. In response to that he figured out the remote control. I tried hiding the remotes, and he tears apart the house looking for them. I don't mean "tears apart" in a figurative sense. He once ripped apart the door panels of a wooden cabinet in order to get at what was inside. I'm talking wood splinters, broken pressboard, and empty hinges hanging from the side of the cabinet. I tried removing the batteries from the remote. He immediately started hoarding other remotes and pulling the batteries from them. He has broken the battery cover on the remote for my receiver, I see the battery cover for my Tivo lying on the cofee table but I have no idea where the rest of the remote is, and the springs that retain the negative side of the batteries in my cable box remote are bent all out of shape from him trying to figure out how to get the batteries in. He routinely walks through the house turning on any available light switch. If I reveal to him that such a thing as a fuse box even exists I would doom myself to him randomly flipping a breaker switch without warning. And believe me, no matter how hard I tried to do it when he wasn't looking and in another room, he would figure it out. This is not a stupid kid. Far worse than that, this is a very smart kid.

[damashita.livejournal.com]

*hug* i can relate - although not on the scale you are going through. *hug* i am hoping that right now you and Ben are in an exhausted sleep.

If you can't get him to sleep soon, i would call Sarah to see if she can take him before you break.

You are doing a great job. You are doing everything right - as right as you can, as sane as you can - in trying times.

*hug*