Punctuality

[lokheed]

Yesterday, 7:00am:
I arrive in the morning as per usual to get Ben on the bus to school.  Sara asks if I can get him off the bus, and I say no problem.  When I point out that the Magic Kingdom is closing at 6pm, she says she is sure she is not going to be up to it but that I am welcome to take him by myself if I want to.  Cool.  I make a mental note to ask Kris if she wants to join Ben and I at the Magic Kingdom in the afternoon.

1:30pm:
Phone call from Sara.   Blah, blah, blah, something about a punk neo-nazi kid, blah, blah, not going to be home before 4:00, is that ok?  I tell her that's not a problem, my 4:00 meeting has been rescheduled to Tuesdays, so I'm planning on getting Ben off the bus and taking him directly to the Magic Kingdom.  As long as Sara is home by 6pm, everything's cool.  She says that 6:00 will not be a problem.

3:30pm:
Kris and I arrive, get Ben off the bus, and take him to the Magic Kingdom.  He has a great time, once again letting me push him into uncomfortable territory.  He rides the train from Main Street to Frontierland.  He stops for fries in Adventureland (it's the first time I recall him setting foot in Adventureland in over a year).  He walks all the way through Adventureland, particularly eyeing the entrances to Pirates of the Carribbean and Jungle Cruise.  Then it's off to Fantasyland for a total of nine times on Snow White plus rides on Winnie the Pooh and Dumbo.  All in all, a good afternoon.

6:00pm:
We arrive with Ben back at Sara's place.  To absolutely nobody's surprise, she is not home yet.

6:15pm:
Sara calls my cell phone from her classroom.  She is taken aback by the tone of my voice when I answer the phone (I know it's her because I have given her a custom ring tone).  "What's wrong?" she asks.  "What's wrong is that I am standing here in your apartment, and you are clearly nowhere near here."  She launches into a long sob story about a bad day at work, staff meetings, principal's office, blah, blah, waah.  I point out two weeks ago, when she left me standing in her apartment waiting for her for 45 minutes only to find out she had gone to Epcot to get a damn burrito.  She tries to pull some attitude, about how this really isn't the same thing.  Yeah, whatever.  So I ask simply, how much longer is she going to be at work?  An hour, she says.  So I agree to bring Ben back to my place, and she can come pick him up directly after she is finished.  I do not even remotely believe that she will be finished in an hour.

9:15pm:
No interim calls, no letting me know that it's taking her longer than she expected.  She just takes a full three hours to finally get to my place to pick up Ben.  She is all sunshine and light, asking how Ben's day was, blah blah blah.  On the way out the door she tosses in a "thank you" as an afterthought, as if the whole thing was no big deal.

Jesus Fucking Christ on a Crutch.

I didn't want to get into a shouting match with her, it's not worth expending the energy.  But I did sit down and write a lengthy email to her, detailing how she treats my time not just with complete disregard but with utter contempt.  I pointed out how much care I take to be dependable, that if I am going to be a few minutes late I call to let her know, and if something comes up that is going to make me significantly late I let her know as soon as possible so she has as much warning as possible.  It's rare, but it happens.  She, on the other hand, routinely leaves me standing around waiting for her for 15, 20, 30 minutes...  an hour is not unusual.  Without so much as a phone call.  I have taken to just letting myself into her apartment because Ben gets crazy sitting in the car waiting for her, so it's better to just go inside and let him watch tapes while we wait for her.  All I want is just a modicum of respect.  Not saying "sorry I'm late" and then being late again next time, but actually showing up on time or else calling to let me know she is going to be late.  I just don't think that's too much to ask.

Comments

[damashita.livejournal.com]

Ahhh... that explains K's last post.

*shudder* While i am not sorry about Ben, i am sorry about his mom. *hug*

You could just take him to her work and leave him there for her to deal with. :) Do that once or twice and i bet she'd be on time.

[stannius.livejournal.com]

having been the kid in a similar situation, Ben is obviously the one getting the shaft here. And Sara is shafting herself. Some day it will be too late to make up for her disregard towards their relationship.

[lokheed.livejournal.com]

My dad was this guy who gave me money sometimes, and whom I saw once or twice a month on the weekend. He almost never showed up for anything I did in school (band, drama, choir, you name it). It took me a long, long time to come to terms with the relationship we had -- several years after his death, in fact. In retrospect there are many things I understand about him now that I didn't then, and there are a great many things about him that I respect. But at the end of the day, I would have rather had him *there*. I swore I would never leave my son hanging like that.