Bad Dreams

Had a nightmare last night. What disturbs me that the nightmare was that I had a blowup argument with Sara and she left me. Which would have made sense as a nightmare six years ago when we were still married. It makes much less sense now that we have been divorced for longer than we were married. I know that Sara is a chain around my ankle, and for the life of me I can't figure out how to break that chain. If I never had to see her or speak to her then I would no doubt be completely over it by now. Unfortunately with Ben that just isn't going to happen. There is no doubt in my mind that the reason Ben is doing so well is because Sara and I get along so well, and really work as a team to give him what he needs. So how do I convince my lizard brain that just because I have 5 - 10 positive interactions with her a week it doesn't mean anything? And how could I ever put a chill on those interactions, when it would definitely have a negative impact on Ben?

Ben, Ben, Ben... some days I feel like I hide behind Ben as an excuse to avoid anything else. People all around me talk about what a good father I am, how caring and attentive I am. Sure I take good care of my son, he deserves no less. But it also makes it really convenient to not have any long-term serious relationships. I dunno. I think I am just out of sorts from a bad night's sleep.

Guilty Pleasures

Ever since I was a kid, I have always loved horror movies. I grew up on the Universal classics and the great B movies of the 50's, and then at age 11 I had the piss scared out of me watching "Phantasm" on HBO. Ever since then I have loved the genre. One of my fondest memories was the day my mom actually took me to the theater to see "Zombie". She took me in, bought my ticket, and then said she would be back in two hours to pick me up. It was a matinee showing and I was the only person in the theater, and from the first scene of Dr. Menard calmly shooting a corpse sitting up in a hospital bed I was hooked.

Really I couldn't have picked a better time period to become a horror fan; the movies that came out in the late 70's and early 80's were glorious. Of course there were the biggies like Friday the 13th and Halloween, plus George Romero's masterpiece Dawn of the Dead. The Fog, Silent Scream, and the last hurrah of the era, Hellraiser.

So tongiht I went to see a guilty pleasure, Jason X. I had low expectations, and they were fully met. I am embarrassed to say I was thoroughly entertained. I may actually have to buy it when it comes out on DVD. My soul is going to rot in hell.


In other news, I saw the inside of the apartments I was looking at yesterday and sadly I just didn't like it. It was very nice, but the layout of the living room made it impossible to set up a tv with proper placement of surround sound speakers. I stood there looking around the room, and all I could think is there is no way I could fit my computer desk, tv, and couch all in that room and have any floorspace left to walk in. What a shame.

Looks like I am going to go with the Wedgewood Estates, I really like the construction and layout there. The apartment layout there has a tiny kitchen, but given that I really don't like to cook that isn't much of an impediment. Lots of room in the main living areas, a nice nook to tuck my computer desk into, space so that I can actually get a dining room table... looks like a winner to me.