No Ben

[lokheed]

I went to pick up Ben tonight after work.  For the first time *ever*, he didn't want to come with me.  Usually he runs to pack his suitcase.  Tonight, he very carefully unpacked his suitcase, blew me a kiss, and told me goodbye.  As in, dad you need to leave now.  I spent over an hour talking to him, to no avail.  He wasn't upset, he didn't seem mad at me, he just didn't want to come with me.  He wanted to stay home with mom.  It's awful hard not to take that personally.  All I could think of was last monday when I was taking him home, and all the way there in the care he was upset.  He started kicking me from the backseat.  I tried talking to him, I tried holding his feet down with one hand while steering with the other.  Finally when a kick connected with my elbow I reached back and swatted him on the leg.  And he started to cry.  Did he not want to come with me tonight because he is afraid of me?  Or did he just want to spend more time with mom?  I dunno.  But it made for a pretty miserable evening, at least for me.